I am in the midst of change, in all areas of my life.
It is unsettling and scary and I have doubts that I am going in the right direction. I know that I am craving change, that I do not want things to remain as they are, that I want better.
I am tackling my health, first. Getting a base of where I am right now and then decide where to go from there. I could lose at least 30 lbs and I am sure that would help regulate my hormones and everything that they affect, like my emotions and skin! But I also have less noble reasons for seeking better health. Fun silly reasons.
I am also tackling my education. I love love love to learn. I love to read. Not so much a fan of watching videos but it depends on the subject matter. I am curious about so many different things and it amazes me that I can really learn and access whatever I want. I have Influence and The Art of Seduction waiting for me on my Kindle. But I have also come acros some interesting sites, like Mama Gena's School of the Womanly Arts and Live Your Legend.
I am also taking some business classes that are not what I expected. The first few lessons were extremely challenging for me to get through, simply because of what I was going through at the time. I would not say that I am a strong person. But I can handle a lot of stress before I break. Unfortunately I think I was already beyond my limit and didn't know how to handle all the stressors in my life and I broke. I'm still trying to “fix” myself.
Part of that is trying to figure out what I want. But this time, I am taking a completely foreign approach. I am focusing on desire and pleasure. Just typing those words feels so wrong, that I am going about it the wrong way and being selfish and unrealistic. And there is always that sexual under tone to those words. As if anything sexual is automatically bad. But I am a sensuous person, I take delight in satisfying all my senses. And I have suppressed that part of me for so long and well, it didn't work out so let's try accepting it and see what happens.
I don't know what the future holds for me. But I am choosing to move forward and find out.