Author: Minxiemama

Metamorphosis

I am in the midst of change, in all areas of my life.

It is unsettling and scary and I have doubts that I am going in the right direction. I know that I am craving change, that I do not want things to remain as they are, that I want better.

I am tackling my health, first. Getting a base of where I am right now and then decide where to go from there. I could lose at least 30 lbs and I am sure that would help regulate my hormones and everything that they affect, like my emotions and skin! But I also have less noble reasons for seeking better health. Fun silly reasons.

I am also tackling my education. I love love love to learn. I love to read. Not so much a fan of watching videos but it depends on the subject matter. I am curious about so many different things and it amazes me that I can really learn and access whatever I want. I have Influence and The Art of Seduction waiting for me on my Kindle. But I have also come acros some interesting sites, like Mama Gena's School of the Womanly Arts and Live Your Legend.

I am also taking some business classes that are not what I expected. The first few lessons were extremely challenging for me to get through, simply because of what I was going through at the time. I would not say that I am a strong person. But I can handle a lot of stress before I break. Unfortunately I think I was already beyond my limit and didn't know how to handle all the stressors in my life and I broke. I'm still trying to “fix” myself.

Part of that is trying to figure out what I want. But this time, I am taking a completely foreign approach. I am focusing on desire and pleasure. Just typing those words feels so wrong, that I am going about it the wrong way and being selfish and unrealistic. And there is always that sexual under tone to those words. As if anything sexual is automatically bad. But I am a sensuous person, I take delight in satisfying all my senses. And I have suppressed that part of me for so long and well, it didn't work out so let's try accepting it and see what happens.

I don't know what the future holds for me. But I am choosing to move forward and find out.

 

 

How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs and Believe in Yourself

 

It's a new year and with it comes the rehashing of all the things I did not do right, or outright failed the previous year. My dear hubby, tired of the same old bashing of myself that I inflict not just an annual or monthly basis, shared a process a former Scientologist stumbled upon while experiencing zero state consciousness.

First he had me state a belief. Now, we had been celebrating the new year with some trader Joes blanc de blanc, so I was fairly tipsy. Which I think was a good thing, in hindsight, since I couldn't edit much. My belief is that I'm stupid. My hubby just nodded his head, then said, how big is that belief? I was like, what? He continued, you believe you are stupid. Does that belief extend to this room? The house? How far does that belief go? To the city? I thought about it and with tears threatening to appear, whispered, my stupidity is bigger than the city. he asked, does it go to the moon? The sun? The Galaxy? The universe? I said, the universe? No that is just silly, it's not the universe. Ok my hubby said… So the universe is too big. The Galaxy? How about the solar system? It considered it and decided my stupidity was as big as the solar system and I included Pluto in my assessment of the solar system.

Ok my hubby continued, you have this belief that you are stupid and this belief is as big as the solar system. I thought about what he said and tearfully said, yes, and it's so heavy. Ah, my hubby said, another belief but let's deal with the size for now. Now, feel the size of this belief and how much space it takes…. Have it? Now, step outside of it, imagine stepping outside of the solar system so you can see the belief. You created this belief, you gave it size, and just as you created it, you can deconstruct it.

Here I looked at my hubby incredulously. I don't get it I said but of course, that's just because I'm stupid. My husband said, hold on a minute. Close you eyes. I want you to imagine a purple flower, any kind of flower you like. Picture it next to my head. Do you see the purple flower next to my head? I nodded yes, I imagined a purple flower next to his head. Now, deconstruct the purple flower so it's not by my head and it is no longer there. But I protested that even though I could imagine the flower gone, I knew I created the image of it and made it go away. My husband said yes but that purple flower was never really there in the first place.

There was no purple flower but using your mind, you created it and also made it go away. You can do the same with your beliefs.

While I would love to say that I understood him right away and gained some new insight and clarity, I am not there yet. But that's ok. I'm on my timetable and its my path.

 

Progress, not Perfection

As the name of this site suggests, I am a Closet Type A personality. Everything needs to be perfect perfect perfect or else, it's now worth doing and I might as well give up! This type of personality can be exhausting and demoralizing. I am not where I imagined I would be in terms of my health or financial prospects. I think I am an okay mom but only because I have managed to keep the kids alive so far! My luck with plants, fortunately, was not a foreboding of awful things to come.

I know we are often our own worst critic. The things I tell myself I would never say to a loved one, a friend or even an acquaintance! I even try to avoid getting other people in trouble at work and try to phrase things in the most neutral, non blaming way possible. Yet, when it comes to myself, I don't hold back the venom and disappointment and disgust when I have failed. Is it any wonder that I haven't achieved my own goals?

I know I am capable. But I have hard time silencing that judgmental cruel part of me that rips me a new one every time I make a mistake.

It's not so much as resolution as it is a mission statement for myself this year. Or maybe it will be my theme. Progress, not perfection. As long as I moving myself forward toward my goals, then I can take pride in my achievements, no matter how small. I need to accept that making mistakes is a part of progess too. I think that part may be the most difficult for me.

How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs and Believe in Yourself

It's a new year and with it comes the rehashing of all the things I did not do right, or outright failed the previous year. My dear hubby, tired of the same old bashing of myself that I inflict not just an annual or monthly basis, shared a process a former Scientologist stumbled upon while experiencing zero state consciousness.

First he had me state a belief. Now, we had been celebrating the new year with some trader Joes blanc de blanc, so I was fairly tipsy. Which I think was a good thing, in hindsight, since I couldn't edit much. My belief is that I'm stupid. My hubby just nodded his head, then said, how big is that belief? I was like, what? He continued, you believe you are stupid. Does that belief extend to this room? The house? How far does that belief go? To the city? I thought about it and with tears threatening to appear, whispered, my stupidity is bigger than the city. he asked, does it go to the moon? The sun? The Galaxy? The universe? I said, the universe? No that is just silly, it's not the universe. Ok my hubby said… So the universe is too big. The Galaxy? How about the solar system? It considered it and decided my stupidity was as big as the solar system and I included Pluto in my assessment of the solar system.

Ok my hubby continued, you have this belief that you are stupid and this belief is as big as the solar system. I thought about what he said and tearfully said, yes, and it's so heavy. Ah, my hubby said, another belief but let's deal with the size for now. Now, feel the size of this belief and how much space it takes…. Have it? Now, step outside of it, imagine stepping outside of the solar system so you can see the belief. You created this belief, you gave it size, and just as you created it, you can deconstruct it.

Here I looked at my hubby incredulously. I don't get it I said but of course, that's just because I'm stupid. My husband said, hold on a minute. Close you eyes. I want you to imagine a purple flower, any kind of flower you like. Picture it next to my head. Do you see the purple flower next to my head? I nodded yes, I imagined a purple flower next to his head. Now, deconstruct the purple flower so it's not by my head and it is no longer there. But I protested that even though I could imagine the flower gone, I knew I created the image of it and made it go away. My husband said yes but that purple flower was never really there in the first place.

There was no purple flower but using your mind, you created it and also made it go away. You can do the same with your beliefs.

While I would love to say that I understood him right away and gained some new insight and clarity, I am not there yet. But that's ok. I'm on my timetable and its my path.